Day 31 - Living in The Moment

May 31st - Day 31

You are or you aren’t 

Another line in a movie, that Robin and I would repeat, was with Robin Williams “He said you are or you aren’t you just have to figure out which you are and be that”  The point I am talking about is at 3:15 in this clip of the movie Dead Again.  

What he was referring to was smoking.  I would tell people this, just as Robin would offer them a cigarette.  You could see the people that weren’t smoking anymore but were still smokers or the people who were not smokers.  There is no in between with Robin, you are or you aren’t.  

I would get mad and call him a drug pusher as these people were trying hard to quit smoking and he would get them started again.  But I had to let their journey be their journey.  

I hated smoking but I loved that Robin was completely passionate and unforgiving about his habit.  There was nothing in him that was wavering the line.  Robin was an 'all in' type of person, something not only I admired but his friends and the people that had brief encounters with him felt and admired as well.  

Palas de Rei to Arzua - 28.9 km

I wake up late and Christian is on the other side of the room still sound a sleep. William is on the bunk next to him. He had gotten mad at someone snoring in the night but funny thing is when he fell asleep he was the loudest snorer in the room. I know as I still spend most of my nights awake. I did sleep in the wee hours of the  morning so didnʼt leave till 6:00.

I walk on my own as Christian or Joseph haven't caught up with me. I wonder where they are but I  enjoy myself as I walk in solitude. My thoughts are present with where I am. I run into Jo whom I walked up the Pyrenees with and had dinner with in Leon. We walk together for awhile and talk about what we have learnt about ourselves on this journey. I tell Jo I have gotten what I needed from the Camino so I am ready to go home anytime now. My heart is healed from the loss of Robin. I can now tell people my husband died and I donʼt feel the pain inside anymore. I feel connected to Robins love, he feels closer to me now then ever before, I have left behind the contrasting feelings of pain. I am back to the person who is truly happy.

I stop at a cafe that has internet and connect with home while Jo walks on. It is such a random place to stop as there are no patrons and no chairs outside to sit and who should be here but Linda as her foot is injured so she is meeting her brother David here. Of all the places to stop, it is so strange, see you meet who you are supposed to meet. I go on my Facebook and show Linda some of my family at home. Dominique has left a message that she misses me. I am ready to go home as I am tired of walking but I will never see these people ever again, I am already missing them, I want to savour the time I have with my Camino family now. Even though today I walk on my own I know there will be people at the albergue that I know or that I will be happy to meet, when I arrive at my next destination.

I start to worry a little bit about Christian though, he hadnʼt passed me and he was sleeping next to that crazy person William. I didnʼt even wake him to say good bye. What if William killed him in his sleep and  he wasnʼt alive? Oh what a silly thought to think, but William was strange. As I arrive in town I pull out my book and figure out where I am going to stay.  I find the municipal and the volunteer directs me to sign the registry and the persons name just before my own is Christian. So strange that I hadnʼt seen him all day and yet we arrived at the same albergue almost at the same time. I find my bed and bump into Christian while he is doing his laundry. I told him how my thoughts went to William killing him in his sleep and we laugh. He said he passed the cafe today and heard what sounded like my voice but he said to himself what a strange place to stop, so didnʼt even look in.

Christian receives a text from Joseph who said he is in town at a different albergue and Joseph asked us to meet him for dinner, so after siesta we head over to meet Joseph. The albergue is again filled with people we knew. Marta and Joel are in the bunk with me. Marco and his wife are here, the Dutch girls, the Brazilians and others. My family is here, still some ahead and some behind but I knew they are all close. I can feel the end coming near and I am feeling the inevitable separation.

Living in the moment

I remember when I first met Christian and he said. "I love the silence and just enjoy my brain being quiet and listening to the birds"....I was so envious.  I fought my brain at the beginning but today it was quiet.  I lived for each new encounter, for the sights I was seeing and for each step I was taking.

I live in the  moment or I don’t live in the moment.  There is no in between.  I wish there was but there isn’t and I am here again.  Living in the moment of my life.  

There isn’t lots to write.  It is a place to be or a place not to be.  I live in the moment or I don't.