Day 28 - The Dream

May 28th - Day 28

Romance in the Park

When Robin and I met he was dating many other women so I was a little leery of getting to close to him but he made it difficult. For Christmas when we were dating he surprised me with a carriage ride around Stanley Park with just him and myself and the carriage driver. It was a magical ride. This is an excerpt from my journal.

It was Christmas in Stanley Park.  There was a chill in the air and a light fog had fallen on the city; the sound of the fog horns were in the distance.

The carriage pulled up lead by two quarter horses.  The steam from their bodies drifted into the air mixing with the fog, becoming one.  It looked mystical through the light of the lantern that was attached to the carriage easily accessible to the coachman.

Robin and I climbed in and quickly sat down, covering ourselves with the wool blankets that lay perfectly folded on the leather seats.  Soon we felt the slow smooth rhythm of the carriage accompanied by the clanking hooves on the pathway and knew we were underway.

As we past the waterfront the fog sat silent on the water and the light from the lighthouse lit up the water then left us in darkness, repeating again and again. Across the harbour the city lights were filtered, through the fog, they could have been street lamps from the turn of the century.

We crossed a creek on an old wooden bridge which led into the darkness.  The coachman illuminated the path using the torch to get a better view of the path in front of him.  He assured us there were no trees across the path and returned the lantern and gave a quick flick of his reins for the horses to carry on. 

Robin played his guitar and I listened to his words with tears in my eyes.  Not just the words of the song but the whole experience was more wonderful then I could have ever imagined.  I wished my dream could have gone on forever but all things come to an end.  

When the carriage ride ended we got back into the car and drove away, it felt so fabricated in comparison to the purity and naturalness of the carriage.  Before we got into the car a woman said, “Marry that one”. 

It was hard to hear as Robin didnʼt even want to commit to one woman let alone marry one. I was trying so hard not to fall in love but I had and I was so worried that I was going to get my heart broken. Robin never worried about getting his heart broken. I felt like he came to me with a blank slate. He left all the previous pain behind and he was willing to open up his heart and take the chance of his heart getting broken. He was so different from other men who were so guarded and had a shell around their emotions. Robin was raw and so expressive of his feelings. He was like a breath of fresh air.

Robin had me stop the car and we walked down to Lost Lagoon and sat under a weeping willow tree on a bench.  The fountain in the middle of the lagoon was decorated with a Christmas tree.  Much to my surprise he pulled out another present, I opened the little box which held an anklet with a charm of a heart, an anchor, and a cross, which Robin said symbolized our love.

O Cebreiro to Samos - 31.1 km

I woke up as the first people woke and decided to get started at 4:30am. I said “Buen Camino” to Christian and Alfred who were already up having their breakfasts. Starting on top of the mountain with no lights in sight was amazing. Looking up I see the milky way and all the stars, the constellations seem so distinct here compared to home. As the skies brighten I climb a very steep hill cresting just as the sun breaks the horizon, it is idyllic as there is a cafe right at the top, perfect time for my second breakfast.

I ate slow as I thought Christian would catch up to me and join me for breakfast but he didnʼt. There was a spot where I followed a sign but it was not clear. Even walking up the hill I thought I was going the wrong way. It wasnʼt until the top of the climb that there was a sign ensuring I had taken the correct path. I hoped that Christian didnʼt go the wrong way but it kind of looks like he did as I have been walking for 2 hours and he hasnʼt caught up. I asked a couple pilgrims, Niko, and Mix if they saw a tall guy with a large backpack and they all said no. But I sat and had nice conversations with both of them. Niko is walking fast as he is just on a quick vacation from work, he wants to do 40 km a day and Mix is from Slovakia with a fun sense of humour. I finish my breakfast and move on alone.

As I observe my thoughts I notice that they stay with me in the moment, enjoying my surroundings and experiencing fully where I am. My mind is not straying to the past or the future. I donʼt worry about Christian as I know it will all work out. Me on my path and he on his, even though we are walking the same path we are on two completely different journeyʼs. As I get closer to the junction to the longer route to Samus or the alternate route, I wonder what I will do if Christian doesn't catch up. I decide even if Christian doesnʼt catch up I am still going to Samus as it is supposed to be so beautiful. There are still going to be people I know and even if there isnʼt I know I will meet new people and enjoy myself.

Christian finally caught up before the turn to Samus. I was correct he and Alfred had gotten lost and went 7 km out of the way. They hitched a ride back with a Spaniard who took them to the spot where they took the wrong turn. Christian must have been walking fast to have walked 7 km further then I and caught up to me already. We made the turn to Samus and were back to telling stories, Christian said he learnt a lot from getting lost and it was exactly what he needed. See everyone learns the lessons they need to learn. After we got the serious talk out of the way we laughed about the most ridiculous things for the rest of our journey.

The path to Samos was beautiful, with the river beside us and walking under lush greenery that hung over our path.  The river curved back and forth and we crossed it regularly via ancient bridges.  There were old rock walls that bordered the path that were barley visible from the years of growth on top of them.  Christian and I walked through this magical wonderland, laughing the whole time.  I feel like someone had thrown pixie dust on us and we couldn't stop laughing.  Everything Christian said was hilarious.  

Christian talked of a bird in Sweden that represents our spirit and he called it a rooster.  When we were in Santa Domingo there was a church that had chickens in it because of an ancient miracle.  I thought Sweden must have something like that.  He talked about it being so spiritual.  The image in my head was so funny as the last bird I would think of as being spiritual is a rooster.  Then we figured out the word was, dove.  The language barrier makes communication very interesting.  We laughed all the way to a monastery set in the middle of no where. 

As we approached Samos we crested a hill and could see the monastery in the distance.  It felt like we were approaching Shangrila.  It was magical setting, a very memorable place to go for Christian's 40th birthday. As soon as we walked into town we started seeing people we knew. We head to where we are going to spend the night and the accommodations are in one little room in the monastery but there is hardly anyone here and we can pick our own beds. Christian could have had bed #40 for his birthday of #17 for his wedding anniversary. He picked 17 and took a photo to show his wife.

Before siesta we make our way to a restaurant and have a glass of wine and some more Galician soup, it has beans, kale, sausage and potato in it, delicious. Linda and David are here and Mix as well, Alfred and Margaret show up a little later.  Everyone else we know has gone the other way.

After siesta Christian and I go to the pilgrims mass and then have a picnic on a bench by the river that passes in front of the monastery. Dinner is baguette and cheese and salami and pickles and tomatoes, very tasty. I feel very fortunate to have found a friend like Christian. I love all my friends, I have the best friends but it is nice to have some male energy in my life. I have no desire for a relationship as of yet so having a male friend is perfect. Plus he makes me laugh all the time. We decide we are going to be friends forever.   

The Dream

Walking along the creek that twisted and turned under the canopy of lush greenery to Samos, felt like a dream.  The carriage ride with Robin also feels like a dream.  I wonder how I could get so lucky to have these two very magical days in my life.  It makes me feel so at peace with everything around enjoying the beauty of this world.  

With distance everything starts to feel like a dreamlike memory.  Walking to Samos with Christian is but a memory in my past and so is the Camino.  I am now back to living my life and I realize when I try and hold onto these wonderful memories and stop them from being a dream they become a nightmare.  I need to enjoy the moments and let them go into the the memory bank that fuels me and not let them pull me backwards.

Now as I am finishing writing this book about: my stories with Robin, the Camino and my grieving experience, I realize that wonderful dream like Christmas ride through Stanley Park was exactly 20 years ago.  When Robin took me on the carriage ride I had no idea where my life was going.  Where our relationship was headed was a mystery and I was frustrated as I felt things weren't going anywhere.  Now I wish I would have stopped worrying about where things were going and enjoyed the dream even more fully while I had it.  Because no matter what the dream is, it fades and drifts into another dream to be savoured on its own.  

Honestly some of the dreams with Robin were nightmares.  I remember just after we were married I cried saying, "What have I done with my life"!!  But even this nightmare became a funny story we would tell. Life got better and better as we learnt to live together.  But within our 18 years as husband and wife we have wonderful stories and many are wonderful dreamlike moments that I will savouir forever.

My life with Robin was one part of my life and if I try and stay in that world I will never be able to create more dreams for myself with the people I love.  On that magical ride through the park I never knew I would marry that man and create a life with him.  Now as I move forward on my own I treasure each memory and love telling and sharing my life with people.  I am starting to look forward to creating new wonderful and fun experiences with old and new friends and family.

I am thankful for the friendship I developed with Christian and the others on the Camino as it gave me hope for the future.  Before the Camino, new friends and people scared me.  As I laughed and walked with the many new people on my pilgrimage I realized these people aren't scary, instead they are making life fun again.  I am learning to laugh and create new memories without the shadow of my past.