Day 26 - The Snowstorm, the Cigarette and The Chocolate Bar

May 26th - Day 26

The Snowstorm, the Cigarette and The Chocolate Bar

Robin and I lived just above the snow line, it was always a treat for a few days each winter when we were snowed in.  Quiet filled the air as the snow silently hit the ground.  Not one car passed on the snow covered street and there was a peace that made hibernating with a book, in front of the fire, completely satisfying.  Usually a tree crossed a power line somewhere so we had no power either, meaning the constant hmmm of the fridge was also eliminated.

I revelled in the peace and tranquillity of being in this haven with my love, doing everything by candlelight.  And then the inevitable happened, Robin would run out of cigarettes and he would be at the top of the driveway digging out his truck so he could go to town.  One such time he didn't tell me what he was doing, so it took a bit for me to notice his absence, then I heard it, the faint sound of shovelling snow in the distance.  

I made my way up the driveway.  "Where are you going" I asked.

"We need some groceries" he said.

"No we don't, your going to get cigarettes aren't you?"  Robin continued to shovel with no reply.  "You have got to be kidding, it is so dangerous to drive in this, I can't believe you would put yourself in danger for a stupid pack of cigarettes, I can’t believe you are so addicted that you are really going to do this.  

My temper tantrum went on while Robin continued undeterred from my overreaction.  Then when I finally realized his drive was inevitable, I said with the nicest tone possible, "Well then can you get me a chocolate bar?"

Robin told this story a lot.  We laughed together and he thought I was so funny.  Life was always funny with Robin!

 Ponferreda to Villafranca del Bierzo - 24.6 km

I wake up early, with many others and am thankful the nice volunteer had opened the gate at 5:45. He gave me his number in case I had forgotten anything here or anywhere else along the Camino. What a nice thing to do. I canʼt give him my number as I donʼt have my phone. I tell him that I am glad I didnʼt bring technology, as when I run into people it is due to destiny, not my own planning. “The best way to travel.” he said applauding destiny.

Walking out of Ponferreda, past the Knights Templar Castle, the path out is lit up perfectly for viewing in the darkness, the river has soft lights in the trees, it feels magical and mysterious with the sound of the creek rustling behind the lights. The relaxing sounds mask the pain in my feet, fortunately, I only have 2 tiny blisters on my baby toes. Many people have not been able to carry on, due to injuries. Women are still not walking alone but I feel very safe, I have no one walking beside me but there are people ahead and people behind, so I do not worry.

I walk through vineyards that lead to little towns with amazing architecture, that changes from one village to the next, delighting my eyes all day. My destination is a little mountain town as we will be starting to climb the mountains tomorrow. Patrick and I arrived early and Margaret, the older German woman, is first in line. She is still taking the bus from albergue to albergue to experience the Camino her way. She is in such pain but a nice Italian man, Alfred is helping her soak her feet. They both communicate in German as the northern Italians speak German as it boarders Switzerland and Austria. I am so amazed with the Europeans and how they speak so many different languages and how they can shift from one language to the next without blinking an eye. I feel so inferior and I also feel so guilty that they all speak English for me.

After getting settled in, I take a shower. At this albergue the bathrooms are designated men and women which seems like a luxury, as it doesnʼt happen often but I guess the men didnʼt notice as there are men in the women's washroom. I heard one man enjoying his shower so much that I get Patrick to go in and make sure the coast is clear. He comes out laughing, giving me the green light,  I went in and brushed my teeth and got in the line up for the shower. I wonder if the showers are cold, that is why this person was making such sounds, so I asked, “Are the showers cold?”  His response back is “No they are wonderful”. When the man comes out it is Alfred, I tell him he is in the womanʼs washroom and we laugh and he takes his stuff out.

I finish my shower and wash my clothes by the time Christian ends up at the same albergue. Funny it is only Patrick, Christian, Margaret and I who are familiar faces at this albergue, so many people said they were staying here but they must be at a different albergues. I complained to Joseph yesterday, that I hadn’t  been sleeping and Joseph said it was because I was sleeping too long during siesta, so he said that I should not sleep in the day and then I would sleep better at night. So today I am going to give it a try. When Patrick, Christian and I venture into town we see lots of people that we know. I am excited to run into Megan and Guido. Megan and I keep saying that we need to exchange contacts so we could see each other in Canada but havenʼt yet. It is funny as we stayed in the same town last night and didnʼt even see each other and it was a tiny little town. We exchange our e-mails and she said she will come visit on Salt Spring for sure.

Patrick, Christian and I wonder around town and talk to our fellow pilgrims. Patrick had already been to the grocery store so is guiding our way to the store. He took a wrong turn so we end up taking a very long route. I am over tired from not sleeping so everything seems extremely funny. Christian told Patrick he has a new occupation of tourist guide and may not be the best at it, we laugh about completely silly things. Patrick is Christian's and my interpreter as he knows English very well.   I tell them of a dream I had last night with a cow, ridiculous and something else to laugh at.

We were craving ice cream and usually in every big town there is an ice cream parlour but I guess not in this one. We try and get some at a bar and they only have frozen Popsicle's and it just doesnʼt fit the bill so we huddle in the shade, avoiding the hot sun, as we wait for the grocery store to open and buy our groceries for the evening, along with some ice cream. There is Ben and Jerryʼs but it is 8 Euros for a little tub so we buy the one made locally. We sit outside and eat it but it is horrible, I mean really horrible. We looked at the ingredients and there isnʼt even any milk in it. We hate it, but we ate it and laugh hysterically.

We go back to the albergue to make our dinner, others are making their own dinners as well. We all sit down at the table, two different parties, all the people except me are German speaking. My mom spoke German with her family and I am wishing now that she would have taught me. I feel so left out all the time. But again everyone is so nice and speak English for me. Alfred, Margaret and two young German girls are eating a Italian pasta dish and Patrick, Christian and I are eating a egg, vegetable, potato dish. We all sample each others dishes and drink sangria. It is a fun evening.

We all talk about the different routes for tomorrow. There is an easy, an intermediate or a hard route to choose from. Christian and I say was are going to do the intermediate route and convince Alfred to do the same. He is funny, he is walking in sandals with insoles taped in with duck tape and it doesn’t seem to detour him at all.  Patrick's foot is sore so he is doing the easier route.  We all head to bed, I am in my room with 11 other men, an occurrence that now seems normal. Christian is at the opposite end of the room so the only man I know in the whole room but I never feel unsafe with the other pilgrims, they are very genuine good people. As we go to sleep it starts to get very windy so Christian and I change our minds and decide to do the easy route tomorrow as we didnʼt want to get stuck in a wind storm at the top of the climb. 

Missing how he made me feel

When I miss Robin, I am not missing his physical as much as how he made me feel. Robin made me feel loved and adored.  He made me feel like a wife and a partner and needed.  Robin made me feel attractive and very funny. Our jokes were simple jokes, like the ones a kindergartner would make up.  I would always ask him, "Did you make that up?"  But we were always laughing.  Even in the most difficult times, Robin could make me laugh and I made him laugh.  Even though my humour is sarcastic he laughed and would say, "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit", in a very strong British accent.

When you live with someone you don’t just get their good side, you get their bad side as well.  His bad habits negatively effected me, I sure don’t miss how those made me feel.  I didn’t like feeling like a nag or a buzz kill, as I would be the responsible one.  I didn’t like feeling annoying or grumpy or the cleaning lady.  

Robin’s friends in contrast had all good feelings when they thought about Robin and the good feelings were not contrasted by bad feelings.  Robin made people feel completely loved and accepted for exactly the way they were.  Not many people have people like this in their lives.  

There is a street person on Salt Spring, Dominique picked him up and he said he was so sad that Robin died and that Robin was his best friend.  Robin had just picked him up hitch hiking every once and awhile.  Most people wouldn’t pick him up as he smelled so bad but Robin would pick him up again and again and give him a little bit of money.  He would shake his dirty hands like he was shaking the hand of the Prime Minister.  Robin never differentiated between people.  He had an amazing gift of making people feel loved exactly the way they were;  so many people missed him and the way he made them feel.  

Like I said, there were things that I really missed about being married to Robin and there were things I didn't miss at all.  What I missed above all was laughing.  I mean really laughing, the kind of laugh where your whole body feels happy.  I can feel myself start to laugh again, about the little things, the passing things that most people don't even notice, let alone laugh at, but Christian and Patrick both have the same sense of humour.  My laugh is real, it isn't masked with pain any more.  I am starting to laugh again.  When I laugh I feel the same way I felt with Robin.  When I laugh, I don't miss him, I feel like he is laughing with me.  When I laugh, life feels lighter.  I am so fortunate that my Camino family makes me laugh but also my friends at home.  We laugh a lot!  I am love laughing!!!