Day 29 - Always Worth a Try

May 29th - Day 29 

Always Worth a Try

I worked at our local newspaper, my job was to call people and see if they wanted to put there ad in the paper for another week.  There was an ad for a fish farm worker.  The qualifications needed were: Diploma in aquaculture, 2 years aquaculture experience and a qualified scuba diver.  I phoned to see if the manager wanted to repeat the ad and he said he didn't get one applicant.  Frustrated he said, no one wants to work on Salt Spring.

Robin was looking for work so I told him to give the manager a call.  Robin phoned and told the manager, "I don't have any fish farm experience but I used to keep tropical fish and my dad was a scuba diver". The manager named Rusty told him to come in for an interview.  Well they sat down and had a cigarette together and Robin got the job.  Later Robin found out what they were looking for was a big strong guy so as soon as he saw Robin he had the job.  

Robin came home every shift with fun stories of his fish farm experiences.  Rusty, Craig, Curtis, Dave and Floyd all have their own stories of their own to last a lifetime.  Some of their times together included huge crab fests they would all have after work, Robin bringing a baby seal into the office, and when Robin's finger got stuck in the chain attached to a 1000 lb anchor.  They were there for each other through marriages, deaths, births and life changes.  These co-workers were not just people Robin worked with but family.  

But then every crew Robin went on became as close to him as family.  When he worked at the garbage dump they were like brothers, moms, sisters and fathers even through all the practical jokes.  But you can watch those on his youtube channel. The crew he was working with up north, when he died were a huge part of Robin's life.  They all didn't just loose a co-worker but a brother.  Here is what one of his co-workers up north wrote about him when he died.

WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER ROB GIBBARD.....An email to share, with the hope it may touch you all in its own way!

As I said to a few of you today, Rob has said on many occasions that when he dies we better be at work the next day. Out of respect for Rob, all of the crew members tied up their boots and headed off to work. Although it wasn't the most productive day, we did what Rob had asked. My work day is finished with a Daily Report and Pictures and so here it is. We will always Remember...

Today we will morn for a special co-worker and beloved friend, Robin Gibbard. Rob past away this morning unexpectedly in Fort McMurray Hospital. He was loved by everyone that crossed his path. He was the roughest iron worker, with the kindest heart and took every opportunity he could to make you smile. He never gave up a chance for a practical joke or added some type of entertaining spin on any task. (He hated the word task, always changed it to Quest). He strives to push everyone to their full potential. Definitely a leader from behind, keeping us all on track and our spirits up high. He was a team player willing to take one for the team at any time. He loved the concept of brotherhood standing shoulder to shoulder, Gentlemen of steel, Structural Steel Soldiers. Rob was not only a hard worker but an intelligent man. When he didn’t need to use his strength he loved to use his wits following always by the phrase “Not by strength, but by guile”.

Some other phases commonly used by Rob ...
“Don’t apologize, apologizing is a sign of weakness” – Was a very forgiving man and didn’t like confrontation.
“A plan today is better than a better plan tomorrow...it will get done today” – Get it done attitude
“Adapt, Improvise and Overcome, using the available recourses” – Get the job done with what you have
“Do not despise the snake for whose to say he will not grow horns to become a dragon” – Do not judge people because everyone has talents and are able to grow and be great in their own way.
“Life is like an hour glass, over time you will see through it” – something’s don’t make sense but we need to trust that it will be clear in the end.

Rob hated the word Fine. He would say “Fine is a word used by people who were Frantic, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. If your not in a good mood come back when you are because no one wants to work with you if your just Fine”

Rob loved to over do and drag out any chance he got for a pun or play on words . If you managed to slip one in before he would, he would respond in his English accent “well you must be just chuffed with that one”
He implemented Military Mondays, when every Monday, every response to a quest would be “Yes Sir” (at the top of his lungs....this caught on with all the guys)

He was a fix it man. He could start or fix everything with WD-40 and a hammer and occasionally his spud wrench, but God help you if you used his Spud wrench as the hammer.
As I mentioned Rob loved the chance to do a practical joke. One that stands out only because Rob was so “Chuffed” about it was his “Swim in the Syncrude tailings pond to raise money for a charity.” He was so please by it because so many people were involved and he got some good reactions out of the people it was intended for. When it was all said and done everyone had a good laugh and that was Robs whole intention... To brighten everyone’s day and put a smile on their face.
Rob was a crazy individual and had that extreme passion for life. I am privileged to have known him for all these years and work side by side with the man. I am saddened that he is no longer with us and even more so because not everyone who reads this had the chance to meet such an amazing individual.

I leave you with one last quote from Rob and my interpretation that I believe he meant it by.

“Yesterday a cancelled cheque, tomorrow a promissory note, But TODAY the cash in your pocket so spend it wisely” – Do not take life for granted. Hold tight to your family and friends and hold everyone you meet, dear to your hearts.  

I could write tonnes of stories of the fun Robin had at work but those are for his co-workers to tell.  The wonderful thing about all Robin's co-workers is they never expected anything from me in the least even though they all were as close to him as family.  They all grieved on their own and some still grieve.  He held a very special place in their hearts.

Samos to Portomarin - 37.0 km

Leaving in the dark on my own I feel bad leaving Christian behind on his birthday, but I told everyone last night it was his birthday today so I am sure he will get lots of birthday wishes when he wakes up. I have to use my flashlight a little bit more as the moon is not up and the path is covered with trees so it is pitch black. The sound of the creek is soon joined with the dawn chorus as the birds awoke and are in abundance this morning.

Christian and a German lady named Hilda catch up with me just as the sun brightens the sky. i was hoping to get further before Christian reached me but I guess I am slow this morning due to the darkness. There is no cafe in the next town so we stop at an albergue and we are able to make breakfast. Hilda tells a woman playing the fiddle that it is Christians birthday and she comes in playing happy birthday on her fiddle and everyone else joins in.

I always feel bad when everyone has to speak English on account of me so I told Hilda and Christian I am walking ahead for a bit. I don't want Christian to have to struggle with English on his birthday.  We have a long 37 km walk so I’ll give him a break from me and English in the morning. We walk together after lunch and around the 28 km mark Christian realizes that we again have had a miss communication due to the language barrier. He thought I meant we were walking 31 km when we are walking 37 km.

We are already getting tired and I suggested that we stop sooner but Christian said it is better to go to a bigger town as there is more to see. We finally make it to Portomarina completely exhausted. We find the municipal, I tell Christian he can go to sleep and I will do his laundry for his birthday present. Some birthday present but nice for a pilgrim. I go to the front desk to get some change and Christians boots are still there in the middle of the floor where he took them off when waiting in line to pay for his bed. He was so tired, I can't wait for him to wake so I can tell him what he did.

Since we went further the last two days we caught up to the Brazilians, two young Dutch girls plus  Marco. From the window of our ambergue we see him holding a womanʼs hand so of course we have to go find out the gossip, Marco introduced us to his wife, who has joined him for the last part of the Camino. She is really fun, what a great idea. It is times like this that I wish Robin was there to meet me at the end still.

Christian took me for dinner as he said that is what people do in Europe when it is their birthday. The birthday person pays for everyone. I feel completely guilty as this is not what happens in Canada. The birthday person gets treated to dinner. I even asked the Spaniards at the table beside me to confirm. I feel guilty but I completely enjoyed the meal. It was the best meal on the Camino we had lentil soup, the salmon and salad. I enjoyed it all but can hardly wait to go to sleep. I am completely exhausted and I think Christian was even more tired. He is thinking he wonʼt be walking tomorrow.  I tease him saying that it is good we walked on to see more of the city when it is a complete effort to walk to the restaurant and back. 

Don’t drown me

It was so amazing to see a large body of water today.  This is the longest in my life I have been away from the ocean and I feel the longing for salt air.  Even though this is fresh water I feel the yearning of the sea.  Instantly in my journal my metaphors go to water.  I have a kinship with water and Robin had a kinship with steel.

This process of grief and moving forward with "my" life has so much to do with letting go especially letting go with love.  When Robin died, my pretend future died with him, at first all I could do was float.  There was no swimming happening.  My life was on standstill all I could do was just float and breath in and out.  I couldn't even let go at the start of this process, my life was on standstill.

Then other people came along who wanted and needed stuff from me and I started to feel like I was drowning.  My first job was a life guard and I am a first aid instructor so my job has been to teach people they need to save themselves first.  So I did this I pushed people away who were pulling me down.  At first I did this with anger.  I was so angry that in this, the hardest time of my life, people were not just pulling me down but drowning me.  I was angry, I was resentful and I let them go with anger.

Now as I walk the Camino I am learning to let go of things with love because I want the same returned back to me.  I realize the reason they were drowning me was because they were emotionally drowning themselves before my husband died and I may have been one of the people keeping them afloat, now they we're still looking for me to save them.  I had to push away and push away hard.

I also did the same to other people.  I went to hold onto people that were not able to be there for me in my difficult time as they were just trying to stay above the water themselves in their own lives.  Fortunately I have some friends and family that could be there for me who were rocks in my storm.  Now with each step I feel my strength coming back so that I can one day be the rocks for my friends and family when they need me in the future.

When I was going through the emotional roller coaster ride with Dominique I was in the same writing group that I was in this past year.  I have participated in "A Year to Love" with Ahava Shira for 2 years and came back to participate in the art show the third year.  This is one of the steps that helped me process my feelings and learn to identify the emotions in my body.  It is a project I was doing with a friend of mine.

It is those random things that I have done in the past that have been jewels to my process of healing after Robin died.  Every little thing makes a difference.  Everything is important.   We are an accumulation of experiences, not just one experience.  Some experiences and people help us through and some don't.  Life is about learning and learning I am.