New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

I love this time of year...New Years.  It's a time for fresh starts, new beginnings and planning.....oh I love planning.  It's a time for reflection of my past year and sending out wishes for the year ahead.  I love the idea of starting the year with a blank canvas and turning it into a vision of possibilities. Waking up January 1st to a cover of white snow felt appropriately metaphorical.



Upon reflection and thinking back on 2016, I see how far I have come and how much difference one year made in my life. I have taken huge steps forward into becoming the woman I am today and I hope to take huge leaps into the woman I want to be next year at this same time.


So what do I want for this woman when the calendar changes to 2018.  I have a whole year of time and space to create a life for this woman.


What do I want her life to look like?


~ I want her to be happy!
~ I want her to be healthy and be able to use her body to bring fulfillment.
~ I want her to have expanded her mind and to have learned through the known and unknown lessons that life throws at her in 2017.
~ I want her to feel a peace within herself so that even on the hardest days she can feel calm and centred.
~ I want her to know herself better on the first of January 2018 than she did on January 1st 2017.
~ I want her to be confident and prepared as she moves into her future.
~ I want her to build strong and healthy relationships with the people she loves.


Being that this is what I want for her, what steps (New Years Resolutions) can I take in the coming days, weeks and months to help create this life for her?


~ I will encourage her daily to eat healthy and nutritious food and do some exercise.  This will help her body be healthy.


~ Since it is Canada's 150th anniversary and all the Parks have free admission I can help her plan and go on fun outings to National Parks with her daughters, grandson, nieces, nephews, friends and family.  This will build her relationships; keep her fit and get to know Canada.  Plus being in nature has the ability to make her feel peaceful and calm.


~ I will suggest she takes correspondence classes so she can reach her future goal of getting a degree.  This will help expand her mind and move confidentially into her future.


~ I will help her research book publishing and learn the steps to achieve her goal of getting her book published.  This will expand her mind and expand her skills as she embarks on the total unknown of book publishing.


~ I will keep going on Whatsap, enjoying her conversation as she talks to her friend Petra from Switzerland and listen as they plan doing the Tour de Mont Blanc mainly so they can see each other again.  I will download and play lessons on learning German to help prepare for this journey. This will keep her healthy, deepen her friendship, expand her mind and help her go confidently into her future.


~ I will encourage her to take long walks and hikes to prepare to walk the Tour de Mont Blanc.  This will keep her healthy and help her move confidently and prepared into her future.


~ I will give her permission to do absolutely nothing, to be alone and strive for nothing giving her space to regroup and recharge her batteries.  In these moments it teaches her that she can find peace anytime and anywhere.


~ I will make sure she sleeps well so she can come to work prepared, with energy and enthusiasm to work hard and be the best employee or entrepreneur that she can be.  This will give her hope and confidence in her future.


~ I will think twice before I suggest things for her to spend her money on and help her keep her expenses low for when she is going through a hard day it is easier for her to feel calm when there is a bit of money in the bank.  This will help her feel calm and centred.


~ I will support her to keep writing and sharing her blog as writing and sharing helps her get to know herself better.  Plus I will encourage her to keep putting up pictures of new places on her Instagram as it gives her a little push to do things instead of sit at home watching tv.


~ I will keep dreaming with her about going to Norway in two years.  I will continue to go on Pinterest and show her different things we can do when we (her and I) get there, such as: St. Olav's Way and a picture on the bolder in the sky, or surfing in Lofoten.


Her reason for travelling to Norway is to help her get to know and understand her Norwegian heritage.  She wants to volunteer in the house that her grandpa was raised which is now a museum.   When she is there she wants to learn Norwegian weaving and spinning and the language.


For the next two years I will help her get to know and understand Canada the country she calls home, BC the province she loves, Langley the town where she was raised and Vancouver the place she was born.


I will order traditional weaving kits that help her learn traditional weaving.  I will connect her with people to learn the Coast Salish language and learn words that originated from this area.  I will submit the application for volunteering at the Langley Centennial Museum and I will remind her to go to the BC archives in Victoria and talk to her cousin about her history.  This will help her understand and get to know the person she was born to be.


I think that sounds like a pretty good year don't you?  I write this list here so that hopefully it will help me be more accountable to her.  If I can help her even do half the things on this list I think she will really enjoy 2017.


Sent from my iPad

Week One - Chapter One

Destination Tofino - Cougar Camp

Things have changed so quickly that it feels like I am not just starting a new chapter in my life but a whole new book.  I have moved from my house and my island home where I have lived for the last 17 years.  I have put everything in storage, started a new live-in job, and instead of getting a permanent residence, I will be exploring the natural beauty of Vancouver Island on my days off.  I will be a gypsy.

Fortunately the timing was perfect as a group of my girlfriends and I had previously booked a few days retreat at Chahayis on Chesterman Beach in Tofino.  A group of my long-time friends traditionally get together to have a 'Cougar Camp', were us 'mature' women get together to talk, surf, drink and eat good food.

My first weekend of being a gypsy and I will be staying at a luxury waterfront home and listening to the surf as I go to sleep.  My friends and I spend our time playing in the ocean or walking its shores.  We all take turns making meals for each other to enjoy around the table that overlooks the surf and the constant changing view of the sea and sky.  It is magical!

The Journey

Coming from different directions we met at an ideal location, Goat on the Roof, in Coombs.  We eat, stock up on groceries and hit the road, meeting up at the next destination only 15 minutes down the road.  Right on the highway is Cathedral Grove where there are monstrous trees in an old growth forest.  The next leg of the journey from Cathedral Grove to Tofino takes longer, about 2 hours, giving us time to catch-up, making the time and distance fly by.

Arriving at our destination I suggested everyone share the first experience of seeing the ocean.  My husband, Robin and I always had the tradition of experiencing the first glance of the ocean together.  It is such a contrasting sight from the forested terrain we travelled through to get to the West Coast and the first sight of the ocean always takes my breath away, I think it should be experienced with others.

When we arrived at Chahayis we all made our way to the front of the house looking town at the path, with the roar of the waves accompanying our steps until we could look up at the ocean together.  Some of our group had never been here and were blown away that this was going to be our accommodation for the weekend.  Even though I have been here numerous times, the exhilaration I feel on that first glance never fades.  I am sure my friends get tired of me saying, "oh isn't it so beautiful ", but then again they were saying the same thing so I am sure they didn't mind.

Everyone has or longs to find that place where time and problems disappear, for me being around water especially the ocean is where I experience an overwhelming feeling of love.  What many people call bliss, I call love.  It is a place of nonjudgement, acceptance and where I am completely immersed in the moment.

Gazing out on water and its constant change from calm to rough I feel the waters peacefulness and strength.  It is my greatest love and my greatest fear.  It always amazes me how something so peaceful looking, can kill so fiercely. But I am prepared for my experience and am always cautious and safe, (my many years of life guarding help).  I am a good swimmer; I know what to do if I get caught in a current; I tell my friends when I go out in the water; plus I have the right equipment to keep me warm.  I have a thick wet suit that enables me to stay out for long periods of time without getting cold.

For me there is nothing better than putting on my wetsuit, with the help of my friends and immersing myself fully into the experience of the ocean, not just looking at the water but being in the water.  Not that ... being in the ocean is better than looking at the ocean .... but I experience it from a totally different perspective.

When I tell people I am going surfing usually that means bougie boarding.  It is so easy and I don't have to work so hard.  One day I'll be able to surf better but for now I go the easy route.

With my bougie board in hand I wade into the water to where the waves are breaking which is no higher than my waste.  I judge the perfect spot to stand to catch the waves, watching where they break.  The strength of some waves almost push me off my feet as I head out, some waves I jump through, others crash against my body.  Arriving at the right spot I see a good wave and attempt to jump in but I was too late. I have to jump in at the right time. There are the waves that look so perfect as they roll towards me but they break ahead or behind me. Timing is everything!

Most of the time I am waiting, watching for a good wave.  It doesn't have to be perfect because I will be back out again and again, catching wave after wave.   You think I would grow impatient when the right wave doesn't come along but I don't.  I find that it is just as much fun watching the waves and the sky and the passing birds or letting myself float with the current as I wait or jumping into waves that go no where at all.

Then I get the timing right and I ride a wave to the shore, it feels so amazing, I am sure my smile can't get any bigger.  I enjoy every single second of the experience.  Some waves don't take me all the way into shore and last for only a few seconds, some I can ride right into the shore until my belly rubs on the sand.

Photo by Melodie Twemlow
As I watch the waves it looks like the water in the wave travelled from a far distance ending at the shore.  Being on the extreme west coast the next land mass would be Hawaii or even Japan, I used to think the water came from there.  I have learned that is not the way it works; it is strange as the ocean water moves up making a wave and then falls back into the immenseness of the ocean.  It isn't new water with each wave it is same water that moves up and down.  When I relax and float, it is the currents underneath that pull me in dangerous directions.  When we took surf lessons last time they told us to have a mark on shore, doing this keeps us out of harms way.  They told us to keep moving back and getting aligned to our focus on shore.

I am sure you can see all the parallels to life, the ocean conjures up in my mind.  As I catch each wave, or float with the current or miss an opportunity with a wave, each moment is giving me a life lesson.  The ocean speaks to me and tells me many stories.  The roar of the ocean drowns out the voices of people within 10 feet of me but it whispers in my ear exactly what I need to hear.

The Messages the Ocean Teaches Me

Some people that enter my life will be there for a short period of time and they may leave early so enjoy every second I have with them.

I will have friends or family that last my whole life and they will be there right to the very end.

Some people will come in and out of my life and that is alright.  Timing is everything.

Sometimes it is fun to just float with the current.  But it is wise to live life with an intention or focus or a goal.

When I am floating it is wise to have a focus or an equilibrium that I can gauge where I am.

I am supported by many people who love me.  Even if I don't feel the effects of their presences in my life they are like the ocean and are embracing me with their love all the time.  Every once and awhile they will become like a wave and have a physical experience with me.

Life can be feared or loved!  When I live cautiously and safely I am am better able to embrace the experience.  The more prepared I am the more enjoyment I can have and the longer I can stay out in the ocean of life.

I can enjoy the time between experiences.  There is beauty in everything.  Waiting isn't even about being patient it is about revelling in the now.

Giving Thanks

I have wonderful amazing friends and family that roll in and out of my life.  I am so thankful and feel very blessed.  Some of these friends are waves that came here to Tofino with me right now:

Kim M and I have been friends with since Kindergarden and has been a constant in my life.  Since she has known me since we were children, she keeps me grounded, reminding me who I am at my core.  Kim is someone whom never judges and makes me and others always feel appreciated and accepted.

Kim H. and I worked together at our first jobs as lifeguards.  I was a fixture in her home and feel like she is not just a friend but my family.  We have stories together that make me feel young instantly and I act it when we are together.  Kim is one of those amazing individuals whom you can always count on her strength and her constant friendship has never wavered even when I have been a huge pain in the arse.

Richelle and Melody I went to high school with and our relationships have been rekindled in the last few years, they both have an ability to make me feel excepted and loved exactly the way I am, they make me feel at peace through perpetual laughter.  I look forward to many more encounters with them at future 'Cougar Camps' and Richelles wedding this summer.

Sharlene is a friend of Kim M. and it is always fun to see her at our traditional 'Cougar Camp'.  Sharlene travels around the world on her own with ease and her lightness and adventurous spirit always inspire me.  Plus she has the best laugh!

The people in my presence are not the only ones who make me feel the oneness we all share.  So many people get frustrated with social media but I love it.  It gives me a huge sense of connection.  Each person I am connected with is a part of my ocean.  I can't even express how nice it is to be in contact with family that live far away or old and new friends or with the many amazing souls that live across the globe whom I connected with when I walked the Camino.  I guess what I am saying is ..... I feel the love!

This is the beginning of my new and exciting journey of being a gypsy.  I have called it embracing the void, the void being change, but it doesn't seem accurate right now as this void feels so full of love.  I feel so blessed to have these amazing woman in my life that I can laugh with, cry with, walk many many steps with, plus drink and eat GREAT food.

I look forward to my next weekend off and exploring Vancouver Island.  My moms cousin is coming to town in a couple of weeks and this weekend I will be watching Xavier, my grandson, so we will be closer to Victoria.

Heading to the ocean was the best place to begin this new gypsy life style, not that a luxury waterfront accommodation sounds anything like a gypsy. I am realizing the thought of entering this change scared me more than the actual living of the experience.  I think I am going to be pleased with my decision.  Of course there are pros and cons within every situation in life but I think the pros will out weigh the cons being a gypsy for awhile.

What I need to do is write a sign and have it say, "Are you feeling disconnected?  When was the last time you were in the ocean?"

I was surrounded by even more love as on my way back to work in Victoria as I stopped at my nephew Cody and his girlfriend Shania's house and held their precious new baby. Holding a sleeping baby fills my heart with just as much love as floating in the ocean.

Life is good!

Day 13 - Fun With Friends

May 13th - Day 13

Organic Festival

I made Robin come to the Organic Festival with me on Vancouver Island to listen to a singer I enjoyed and to celebrate healthy living, something Robin did not do.  He wanted to get off the island, so with some coaxing he came along.  I warned him that he couldn’t smoke there and there was only healthy food and healthy people.  Well as his usual routine he had a cigarette at the entrance.  I was so frustrated I left him behind.

When Robin found me inside sampling some organic popcorn he had on a big grin, I asked him what he was up to.  He said while he was having a cigarette this beautiful woman came up and asked him for a cigarette.  I shook my head and continued to look at the other stalls and sampling their product, Robin didn’t  mind sampling the organic cider and wine.  Then all of a sudden this gorgeous over 6 feet tall, beautiful woman with a perfect figure with cloths that accented her every curve, ran up to Robin and gave him a big hug.  Even Robin was taken aback from her enthusiasm, he said she may have been sampling some organic herbs.  We went and watched Jeremy Fisher and Robin requested my favourite song to be played, named “Cigarette”, kind of ironic eh?.  From then on Robin asked when the next Organic Festival was so that we could attend.

San Juan de Ortega to Burgos - 25.6 km 

I woke up at 5:00 and set out,  there is a group of friendly pilgrims that are heading out at the same time. They all have their flashlights out, lighting their way. This is when I am happy to be a slow walker as they quickly walk ahead and I have the peace and tranquillity of my morning back. I rarely use my flashlight relying on the moon to highlight the path and my walking sticks for stability over unwitnessed obstructions.  The only time I get my flashlight out is at the intersections to find the signs that direct my way.

My walk today is broken up by little villages and there is a haze in the air that keeps the sun at bay. Then the never ending walk into the city begins. I can see the city right there in front of me and it feels like we are walking forever and ever. I stop and ask some Spaniards if I am going in the right direction. They tell me, in what seems like 10 minutes of a language that I donʼt understand, ci, I am going the right way and pointing me forward in the direction I am going. When I make it to the albergue many pilgrims are complaining about the long walk into the city, so it isnʼt only me that felt like it went on forever.

This albergue is a very modern facility with elevators to the different floors; it feels like a 5 star hotel. I am in a bunk bed next to Marianne and Jose the Spanish brother and sister team, then the German speaking pilgrims arrive.  I recognize the Brazilians whom I had stayed with in Pamplona, I pass them and they pass me regularly throughout the day and I say hola, hola, hola, hola, hola to each of them, each time they pass me, it is our ritual. We donʼt speak the same language but we have our daily fun.  I made plans to meet up with Christian and Petra at 6:00pm, so I will have my siesta and then set off to meet them.

I wake up from my siesta and donʼt feel like getting up at all. My feet are saying “stay in bed, stay in bed”, I donʼt listen to them and get up to go meet my companions. I leave a little early so I can explore Burgos on my own and find a pharmacy to buy some zinc for the heat rash between my legs. I get an ice cream and sit in the square watching the children play soccer, it seems the same in every square, in every city, the children play with a soccer ball (or should I say football as they call it here). There are always strollers passing with grandparents and parents in tow to show of the little princes and princess to all their friends. 

I am supposed to meet Christian and Petra at 6:00 and it is 5:30 so I go for a little stroll before I meet them and run into them right away. It is funny this Camino, the people you are supposed to meet and learn from are always there, it totally fascinates me. We go for a drink and meet up with Marianna, Josh, and Joel, a Swedish man living in France. We make a unanimous decisions to have drinks first, then go to mass and after go for tapas and sample the blood pudding that Burgos is known for. 

The Sangria definitely enhanced my mass experience as I am a little tipsy, so for future reference I will eat something with my sangria.  All us pilgrims congregate after the mass and talk,  the Brazilians inform me that they will be walking 30 km tomorrow as they have a time schedule they need to stick to. Being that my only interaction with them is hola, hola, hola, hola, hola.  I am not going to walk more to keep up with them, so we say our good byes. With hungry stomachs we head for tapas. It is my last night with Marianna and Jose as they are leaving to go back to work, and Christian and Petra are staying behind to explore Burgos.

Maybe it was the alcohol helping or maybe I was not wallowing in self pity but I am having a really fun time. We laugh .... a lot, eat good food and leave with hugs and hopes we will all meet again in the future. 

Sangrai with Jose, Petra, Marianna, & Joel before mass.

Outside the Cathedral in Burgos with Petra and Christian

  

Having fun with friends

I am so fortunate to have friends that I have known since I was young.  I have always felt blessed for these friendships but it was during this time that I realized how important these old friends truly were to my recovery.  Going anywhere with Robin was always an adventure and everyone who spent time with him always came out with a story.  In comparison to Robin I am so dull.  I was worried after Robin died that my life would be full of boredom, actually I thought I was boring.  I needed to be reminded of who I was before I was with Robin.

My daughter, my nephews, the friends I have on Salt Spring, and Robin’s friends;  only knew me as a partner to Robin, never separate from this union.  It was my friends that knew me before Robin that reminded me of who I was before I met him and that my life had not ended, it is just changing.  I was a person before Robin and I am a person now, after Robin.  They gave me hope.

I can't stress enough how important these relationships are to me.  Before I was a wife I was also a friend, a cousin, a niece, a daughter, and a grand daughter, I was not just a wife.  I gravitated to these people leaving my current friends behind for awhile.  Fortunately my current relationships were strong enough to withstand this period in my life because they were emotionally aware enough to understand my situation.  I have good friends, old and new!  This has been the biggest piece of solace of my process of embracing my new life of being alone. As much as I am alone, I am not alone.  

Now I am on the Camino I am meeting new friends that are meeting me separate from Robin, I am on my own again.  Friendships are wonderful surprises that come at just the perfect time.  Just as Robin meeting the beautiful woman at the Organic festival enhanced his enjoyment of something he would not enjoy at all, these people I am meeting on the Camino are bringing me so much fun and healing on my journey.