What is Being Happy?

I had a wonderful week of spending quality time with some of the amazing people in my life.  I headed out to Langley and stayed with my friend Kim, as I traditionally do this week, for her birthday.

It worked out perfect for me to stay a bit longer so I could go to another girlfriend's , Richelle, stagette/shower.

I filled the days between with going to Golden Ears for a hike with my friend Cindy and her son Aiden;

torturing myself by going up the Grouse Grind with my friends,  Kim & Kevin, children;

but most importantly going to Abbotsford to see family and spending time with my cousin in palliative care.

It had its ups and downs but it was a week of feeling genuinely happy.

I had a conversation with a friend who is looking for a new job and a new relationship and she said, "I just want to be happy again" so I asked her, "what is the time and place you were happy and how did it feel"?

After I asked her this I got to thinking about myself and my own happy moments; when were they and how did it feel to be happy and why was this such a happy week?

I guess how I would define "happy" is a feeling of being in a moment, feeling content, relaxed and not wanting to be anywhere else.  No striving, no over enthusiasm, happiness isn't eager or wanting.  Happy moments get lost when I or the people I am with try and suck the moments dry, when there is a feeling of desperation or thinking about what's next.  Happiness is a balance between enjoying the moment to the fullest and not wanting it to end but at the same time letting it flow.  There is no desire to make the moment any different than it is. Does that make any sense at all?  What I feel when I say I am happy is ... I feel at ease.

You know when you exhale and let your body totally relax?  That is how happiness feels for me, breathing in a moment in time and letting myself relax into the experience.  When we are relaxing and our body is at ease we don't think about our next breath, it comes at exactly the right moment.  Being calm yet joyful to me is the feeling I get when I'm happy.

So when we're these moments in my past?  I know I have had a lot of them and I remember telling myself, 'remember this moment and this feeling' but the memories float away with time, leaving me with only a few significant moments that stand out in my memory.

Happy Memories From My Past

* Playing in the pool for hours on end with my friend Debbie when we were young.

* Coming home from summer camp with my cousin Marcea.  We were hanging out on the ferry sitting with all the people we bonded with at camp.

* Sleeping on the trampoline with my friend Kim under the stars and waking covered in dew.

* Enjoying Sangria with the friends I met on the Camino in the square at Burgos then going to mass.

* Walking down Dallas road with Xavier when he was a toddler.

* Going to the beach with Dan and Heather digging in the sand harvesting our dinner of steamed clams and clam chowder.

* Walking around Stanley Park with my friend Teresa, in those glorious moments when we just walk, not even talk.

* Going to Expo86 with my family and getting my dad to take picture after picture of all the different pavilions; of course I wanted myself in every photo.

* Playing in the pool with Robin, just being silly, playing children's games.

* When my brother and I made circuits around the house of different physical activities to test our strength and skills against each other.

* Being in the ocean, letting my body sway with the waves that come in and out.

* Walking around the city when I lived in Vancouver with Robin, Teresa And Jasper, Teresa McMillian, Craig Wisdom, Stacey and Jimmy Godfrey, and Jonathan Denny.  We had no destination we would just walk.

* Sitting around Sam and Erin's table journaling and scrap booking.

* Talking with my Cougar Camp girlfriends, really talking, so our souls are connecting.

* Laughing about the silliest things with Dominique and getting the giggles.

* Life guarding and working as a team with the staff at Al Anderson and Port Kells Pool.  The summer could have lasted forever and I would never have tired of it.

* Sleeping in and pushing that sleep button again and again never wanting the moment of peacefulness to end, savouring those last moments before rising.

* Picking lavender from my backyard with my cousin Amy.

* Coming home to my dog Bailey who would wag his tail so hard that his whole body would go back and forth.

* When Cindy and I lived together and shared the same room (2 beds in one room made it very cramped) we would spend all day together, then talk till late in the night.  Still we get on the phone and talk about absolutely nothing, embracing the moment of nothingness.

* Going to the movies alone, or an art gallery, or a book store; having a date with me, myself and I.

* Sitting in our little cabin that Robin and I built, coming up with ridiculously funny ideas with Robin over a bottle of wine.

* Watching my nephews wrestle on the ferry or at our house on the deck full of mattresses.

* Making fun movies with Robin and Dominique and the nephews.

* Playing cards with my mom till late into the night, after each game saying, just one more.

* Sitting and talking about the meaning of life with my mother-in-law Susanna, my Aunt Betty, Uncle Stan and Auntie Alice and my cousin Florence.

* Playing keep away spontaneously with my brother, sister, Kim, Guy and Gene in our backyard till late in the night then it would turn into hide and seek in the shadows.

* The last day of school before Christmas break going to the Christmas Carol sing along in the gym and singing with everyone.

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Looking at my happy list, I notice there is nothing about success or planning or things out of the ordinary.  My happy list is about play and spontaneity and special moments with people that I care about.

My happy moments weren't falling in love, winning an award or milestones in my life but precious small moments shared.  I am happy playing, being in water, laughing, walking and having heart felt conversations.  In the happy moments there isn't a feeling of trying to improve the moment or make it better or think about how it could be better in the future; I just feel happy.

Life would be so simple if my quest would only be happiness but it is not and it can't be.  I need to make money to feed myself plus I still want to have goals and successes in my life, on this journey I am taking.

Happy Moments This Week

I love having heart felt conversations with people.

I was able to sit down with some of the amazing people in my life and have wonderful heart felt conversations that touched my soul and made me feel extremely happy.  Some of the conversations were about mine or their hopes and dreams, some sadness, some fear of change, some frustration or some even anger but each person revealed apart of themselves making me feel connected to them.  I hope our talks brought them happiness as well.  Not just the conversation I had but sometimes it was the comfort in the silence that embraced us....happy!

Walking and talking in nature enhances time together.

Even though I do spend a lot of time complaining while I hike, I do feel extremely happy.  I fluctuate between yearning for the end and completely immersing myself in the magnificence of nature....happy.

Celebrating with friends

Celebrating always seems to bring up wonderful memories of fun times spent together.  Reminiscing about times together and expressing our gratitude for our relationships....this makes me happy.   Then connecting with old friends like a day hasn't passed but it has been 30 years....happy.

The icing on the cake was coming back to Vancouver Island and going right to my daughter Dominique's and spending some quality time with her and my grandson.

Xavier took this photo 

Watching them play...ahhhh!

I am happy!

Having no home of my own has its pros and cons but one of the pros is I am not on a perpetual quest to get home.  I didn't realize, until now, how much I used to rush to get back home...in time to do absolutely nothing.

Being homeless is actually making my life feel happier.  I know this period in my life will soon pass so I am revelling in the simplicity of my life.  I have a short to do list, barely any bills, time to explore and see new things, but most importantly time and energy to spend quality time with my friends and family.

I think this is a good thing!

So what does happiness feel like to you?

Tell me about some happy moments in your life or just sit and reminisce on your own for awhile.

I hope you have a day with at least one happy moment.