Turning Off the GPS and Finding My Own Path

Lately I have been noticing that when I use Google Maps I don't pay attention to how I am getting to a location.  I depend on the voice in my phone to bring me to my destination and back.  I disregard signs, land marks or even the way I am going.

As I continue my nomadic lifestyle Google Maps has brought me on some interesting ventures in the last couple months.  I am trying to pack everything I can into summer and have been spending more time 'doing' than writing.  As I sit down to write I am reviewing what I have done as I go through my photos.  

I can't believe in the last 2 months all the places I have been: Starting off with Tofino then

Englishman River Falls

The Dark Side

 Royal Roads University, Elk Lake, Goldstrem Park, 

White Rock Beach

 Kinsol Trestles, Thetis Lake,  Fishermans Wharf, 

Goldenears Park

Goat on the Roof
Coombs Country Market

Grouse Grind, Woody's Lagoon, Mt. Doug, Willow Beach, Walks along Dallas Road and 

Beacon Hill Park

Cowichan lake and river,

Bald Mountain

Cascade Falls

Fort Langley  and then back to 

Tofino

If I had to pay rent or mortgage and manage a home there is no way I would have had time to do all these things.  I have felt very free to explore this amazing world we live in, going down roads with the help of my GPS that I have never gone down.

When I was leaving Cascade Falls my phone died and I had to find my way back without the use of GPS.  Nothing looked familiar as I hadn't been paying attention to my path or even noticing landmarks.  We found our way back with a few u-turns but I made the decision not to depend so much on my GPS.

This month also consisted of going to my cousins funeral, a family gathering, and a friends wedding; giving my emotions the opportunity to travel wanted and unwanted paths.  Through feeling these strong emotions I am reminded that my emotions are my guide through this process of discovering myself and the future I desire. 

My emotions will help answer the questions I need answered and release my past.

I have set myself on the nomadic path for a few different reasons:

1. As I visit different places I want to feel what place feels like home.
2. I want a fresh slate and not be in a place surrounded by triggers.  
3. I want to free myself to experience life and new adventures.

I have been successful in number #2 & #3, only 2 months in I am feeling like I have had a fresh start and creating a platform to jump into the next phase of my life without the emotional weight of the loss of my husband holding me back.  

As you can see by my list of places I have visited confirms lots of new adventures. Not having a home doesn't just motivate me to do new things; I have absolutely no choice but to get out there and just DO.

#1 is the hard one!

Figuring out where I want to live is getting more and more confusing.  

When I am in Langley with my family and life long friends I feel the warm comfortable blanket of nostalgia pull me in and I can't imagine myself anywhere else.

Then I spend some time in Victoria exploring with my daughter and grandson and see the possibilities of new adventures in their eyes.  I want to be closer so I can have front row seats watching their lives unfold.

Oh ... but then I go to Tofino.  It is such a magical place for me.  Being by the ocean and in the ocean, living a laid back, easy going life-style, embraced by the elements seems like a dream come true.

I haven't even visited Vancouver yet, another city that pulls at my heart strings.

My emotions are guiding me in multiple directions, my hope is that they will assist me in making up my mind soon.  I have to listen to that internal guide, that shows me the way to my future, through my feelings.  

I am still careful of the people I include in my life as some people try to pull me away from my own internal guidance system and control what I do as they feel they have the answers for my life.  Who knows I may come out with the same outcome they want but I would never know that unless I follow my own heart.

I guess it is something like the GPS.  I had to stop using it so I could see where I was going and not listen to the machine, oblivious of my surroundings and not watching for the signs.  

It is easy to listen to what others say to do but then I would not be on my own path, I would instead be filling their needs and desires putting myself last. In the end I would be resentful of them if I don't listen to myself.  

I am fortunate to have the space and the time for lots of calm, it is instantly apparent when something is overwhelming or not the direction I want to go. Strangely enough my emotions are not pulling me back to Salt Spring.  I thought for sure I would want to go back but I am not feeling it.  I have wonderful friends and fantastic memories but I don't feel like I will ever be moving back to the place I called home for 17 years.  My wise mother has said, "Never say never".

Even though I don't know where I will end up, I definitely am enjoying the path of a nomad.  So when I no longer feel the fun I will settle down....somewhere.