I love the way things are right now ... in this moment. I am really enjoying spending time with my family and friends. I am appreciating the life style I have chosen because of its flexibility and my ability to focus on the people in my life that are significant to me.
I thought the change of not having a residence and putting all my things in storage would be difficult but this seldom even crosses my train of thought. What I think about more is where I want to settle in the future and if I even want to have another relationship.
I have been drawn to the mainland due to my cousin and I am savouring every moment I have with her at the hospital. Along with that comes time with my aunts and uncles and cousins and life-long friends and their children that all live on the mainland. As I drive down roads that stimulate an old memory around every turn, I feel at home. This always happens when I come to the mainland but even more so now as my stresses and expectations in life are at a minimum.
I feel guilty for the ease of my own life as I witness to ones I love getting on that hard road of grief, death and recovery. It is such a hard journey and I pray for my Uncle and Aunt and Amy's brother daily. I wish I could take away their pain but everyone takes their own route to heal their heart, there is no right way or wrong way.
As my own path now leads me to memory lane and my old haunts such as; White Rock Beach
and views of my life long touch stone, Mt. Baker
It is a strange contrast for me not to have a partner but presently I feel the benefits of this not the disadvantages. I can put complete focus on my friends and family and I am not pulled in the direction of a partners social circle. Part of my family is also Robin's family and his mother is not very healthy and I have the flexibility right now to redirect myself to Australia if she takes a turn for the worst. As Robin was an only child his family consists of a mother and step father in Australia a step mother in Vancouver. I feel so lucky to have them a part of my life, along with my friends and family and I don't want another partner who pulls me in an opposing direction.
Relationships take work, all kinds of relationships not just partnerships. At this point in my life I only want to devote my energy to the relationships I already have, I feel no pull, or see no space, to redirect any of my energy into any kind of new relationship. It is interesting, as the relationships I developed while walking the Camino were new but they felt like old friends coming together. I guess that is the only way I will include new friends, they must feel like they have always been a part of my world.
When I am on the mainland I feel like this is the place I will end up and then I come back to the Island and go on another adventure and feel this is the place for me. I guess only time will tell. For now I am really enjoying my decision to be a gypsy. But with that comes people opening their homes to me. For this I am so thankful and extremely grateful!
I was welcomed by my niece, Sophie with this wonderful note on my pillow.
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