But then there is the other side.
The loss.
The loss feels so much more intense as the absence of the ones we love feels so much more evident this time of year. For me the physical void from their absences feels replicated in my body. There seems to be holes in my heart. I hate this feeling, I like it much better when my heart is overflowing with love. The void I feel .... feels like I am not myself and I begin to wonder if I will ever return.
Christmas goes on and the activities continue. Each outing reminds me of old times or we get excited about creating new holiday traditions. I am reminded why I love this time of year.
Decorating the Christmas tree with my grandson I got a short glimpse of myself in the reflection on one of the Christmas ornaments. It was just brief but I saw myself. I was so happy in this moment I was sharing with my grandson .... I will treasure this memory forever. I love being his Grandma and the overwhelming love I feel for this extra special soul, he makes me feel like I have a purpose as I walk on this earth.
In that brief second I got a glimpse of my true essence. Pure love with no strings attached. I loved him, I loved my life, I loved myself.
Bliss ended as he began to take all the ornaments off the tree and began to act like a typical 4 year old.
There have been other people that have given me glimpses of myself, people who awoke parts of me and made me feel more alive. Some of these wonderful souls are no longer a part of my life. I miss them and I miss those glimpses of me that they awoke. I fear sometimes I will never see those parts of myself without them being in my life.
But what if?
What if each glimpse is just another part of myself and welcoming new people in my life will give me new and different reflections of my true essence.
Maybe when I am older I will see myself as a beautifully decorated Christmas tree full of many different ornaments each unique and ornate mirroring back a distinct part of who I am and who I was.
It is thoughts like this and the support that is given to me from so many amazing people that gives me a hope for the New Year ahead.
Thank-you to everyone who reads my words and supports me through my life journey!! I feel blessed for the people who are in my life now and who have graced my life in my past. Each one a beautiful ornament on my tree of life.
Thank-you....thank-you....thank-you!
Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year!!!
